Support Calls
The questions for this call are: We just decided this weekend that it’s time to pull our kids and homeschool. We’re super excited and anxious about it, but know without a doubt that it’s what we’re supposed to be doing.Do you follow a certain program, or curriculum, do you come up with it on your own? Our oldest has high functioning autism, and has really struggled with math, especially the new Common Core methods, which is partly why we’re pulling them.He’s 9.5, and I’m concerned about how to teach the math to him. We have twin toddlers (1 year old) who are into everything!I’m homeschooling my 2 older children and it’s becoming really hard because I’m constantly having to chase the toddlers around and pull them away from stuff. What TSG techniques can I use on children this young? Also one of my girls screams all the time – this ear piercing, window shattering scream and its horrible!This seems to be the only way she thinks she can communicate. Help? My oldest daughter is 16. She is a junior and up until this year she has been homeschooled.She is wanting to get a part time job after school. I would love for her to have a job, but how do I know when a child is ready for that kind of trust/commitment level? What is your rule for taking toys outside? Do you have specifics ones that can go outside? Or if they get ruined is that the natural consequence and you just throw them away?Are your children allowed to help themselves to the fridge when they are 5 and under?Are your children aloud to go in your room? What about with friends? How do you teach this?
This call’s questions are: OK, my 5 year old is probably my biggest problem right now. He does it all.Argues, is rude, refuses to accept a no answer, torments siblings and enjoys seeing them upset. If he is given an extra job he refuses to do it. He is 5 years old and the middle of three boys. What would be the steps to help him listen the first time if he just refuses to? I would say that he and his older brother tend rarely to listen the first, second or third time. I try soooo stinkin hard to stay calm but they just don’t listen. What is your opinion of vaccinations and mixing them and what ages to give them etc? Also, my son all of a sudden started getting shy giving scriptures at church. I think a couple of months he went from fearless to being self-conscious. How can I help him? And, how did you teach yourself history and science and what resources did you use for you children? Our children are exploring each other. They were at our friend’s house while we were on a trip. Our friend called us and said that a situation had happened where our children were in the same room, exploring each other somewhat seriously. We’re freaking out! What do we do?
This call’s questions are: Self-government in Shakespeare Frequently, I find myself in a predicament. When I need to be teaching self government skills to one child the others seem to have immediate needs that need to be taken care of also. Such as the newborn needing to feed or a toddler needing to use the bathroom, etc . What should my priority be? What are your favorite DVDs that you watch for Movie night? And, my son has trouble with attention seeking. I have the same problem. I haven’t really explained what attention seeking is what why it is bad. I guess I need help with that.It is disrupting. What do I do? Also, my almost 5 year old really likes to be close to me during story time. At home he crams up next to me and I have to constantly tell him he is digging his elbow into me.I’m not exactly sure what to do. I handled it wrong. How do I advocate for him? Along with that, my 2.5 year old has had a lot of separation anxiety ever since we took a little trip recently. Usually she is anxious and then gets over it. I don’t know… Should I just stay with her?Also I struggle with how to speak to my husband.I didn’t know how to tell him that it feels like he doesn’t have faith in me when he tells me “we may just not be a match for each other”. He feels he needs to share his opinion and be open and honest.How should I ask him to word this to me so that I don’t feel discouraged? Generational differences in parenting.
This Support Call covers a miriad of questions, from a tantrumming 17 year-old to movie night to bed time. The questions: We are struggling with our oldest child. He is now 17 1/2. He just simply wants things his way and just won’t be obedient. We’ve tried all kinds of training and consequences with him, but he still defies the rules. A few days ago, my husband decided that our son could no longer use our resources (ie: Internet, car, phone) since he has clearly chosen not to follow our guidelines.My husband is “done” providing for an ungrateful young adult who talks back and is the instigator of much difficultyin our home. What are your thoughts on this? First, I am now in charge of story time for core children ages 3-7 for a Leadership Education co-op. What picture books with good morals and values do you recommend? Second, my 3.5 month old just stopped sleeping through the night because he is teething. Also, my 2.5 year old keeps waking up 1-2x per night. Not sure if she has to go to the bathroom (she isn’t quite potty trained yet) or if she get too hot or cold. Third, how do you guys do your weekly family movie night? I am very frustrated and at a loss about what to do with my seven-year old son. There are times when he is very kind and thoughtful, and other times when he is angry, telling me he hates me and throwing things at me. Basically, My problem with this son is that he won’t follow instructions and/or accept consequences, unless I physically contain him in a room until he is ready and willing to follow instructions and do his consequences.How would you recommend I work with this dear seven-year-old son?
Here is the Support Call for August 29, 2014. The questions were: This program seems like it’s suited more to older children. What program would be good to use with my younger children? My husband and I both really love self-government, but we have a struggle with consistency. What can we do? What is the difference between responsibilities and stewardships as it relates to roles?
This support call was good. We only had one question that was actually sent to me. There were three other questions asked on the call that were great though. They were: Weird question. If you were going to give a 20-30 min presentation about yourself what would you focus on.Also, I love your quote that says: “I’m not raising perfect children, I am raising joyful adults that know what their mission is in life and can’t wait to fight for it….” Is it in your book somewhere? I can’t seem to find it. I have a 4 year old daughter. She wants to be big like her brother and sisters. She is trying to prove she is big by doing things she shouldn’t. I need help! My daughter is 2 and she won’t follow instructions. So, I use the Calm Down spot to help her with that. Is that okay? Is there a way you can use self-government with students? Especially large groups of students?
This call’s questions were: Do you ever require a child to redo a SODAS? My daughter is in the habit of power struggling. What can I do to help her? How can I make homeschooling fun? My daughter is manipulative and won’t accept her consequences after she goes through the Rule of Three. What do I do?
This call has multiple questions, all somewhat on the same topic, but not quite. Each has their own wonderful insight and are very helpful. The questions were: Can you explain more about correcting young children and using the calm-down spot/”time-out” when they are tired or hungry? What do you say to your 4-year-old when he wants to go and play at the neighbor’s house by himself? What do I tell my son if the neighbor’s want him to go over and play? I would prefer if I was there when he goes to other people’s houses. I appreciate your recent article on the clingy children. Right now my youngest (2 ½) dislikes nursery very much. In your article, you suggest not to force the issue, but wait until they’re ready. But what do you do when you and your husband both have callings you need to be to for second and third hour?Also, this same child has a really hard time with “no” answers. When I tell him “no,” for even the simplest thing, he flies off the handle. How can I teach him to accept a “no” without all the drama?
This call was full ofreally good questions,such as: You are doing so many things deliberately, how do you schedule your life to make time and room for it all?Where do you fit in weekly times with your daughters to have that one-on-one time you have mentioned we should have with the children who are our gender?What about mother-son time?Do you do those in the daytime so they doesn’t conflict with evening family time? How do you have time for it all? How do I train my 2 year old to sit quietly in an hour long church meeting? I’m going to be tending two young out-of-town granddaughters for a week and a half. I stayed at their home recently and observed their behavior, and I think tending could be very difficult unless I establish TSG principles while they are here. Is there any reason not to have things be different at my home than at theirs?Am I naïve to think that I can teach them to act differently in a week?What do you recommend? My eldest daughter (age 16) has been diagnosed with an eating disorder, among other things, and has been admitted to a therapy clinic out of state. My husband is with her. I’m with my other 5 kids. I can see that the way I’ve parented in the past has led to my children having several behavioral and self-government issues. I want a more open, clear, honest and loving environment in my home.I really want to begin changing how I parent, and I’d like your input as to how to go about doing so, step by step.How do we weave our eldest daughter into the new family culture when she is living with us again? What exclamation words do you use? I would like to stop saying: dang-it, crap, and oh my gosh. And, what do you say when your child wants to give up? Also, can you elaborate on your process of goal setting, maybe give an example of a goal you or your child set and how you accomplished the goal? And when I praise, I give too many instructions that I really get tired of praising.It’s hard not to rush through the relationship.What do you recommend to change my own heart? Along with all that, there’s an 11 year old girl that comes to my house often. She talks constantly. How do I lovingly tell her to be quiet? One more thing.Can you explain “point of reference?” Where did you get the term from? What does it mean?
This call was great. We had questions ranging in a wide variety of subjects, such as: How do you teach a 4 year old to clean his room? And when can I expect him to do this himself without help? I get really mad and frustrated with big messes. And I can go get calm, but when I come back to help him fix it if he doesn’t listen I blow up. I’m not sure how to remove the emotion, stay calm, and have him clean it. I have a hard time not getting sucked into power struggles. My 4yr old son, when given an instruction (or reminded) not to play on the baby’s swing or carseat etc. because he will break them. He asks in an annoyed voice “Then why do they make them.” He thinks everything should be his toy and is very put off if he cannot use/play with it. Also, we have too much stuff. I need to get rid of some and start a toy rotation. The problem is they (the 2 and 4 yr old) will get into it wherever it is so do I lock it in the office or put it in the garage.Do I need to make a boundary rule that they ask for everything and anything first? And, when does discipline start with babies? Before time out. When do you start teaching boundaries? I feel like my kids “work the system,” (ages almost 6 and almost 3) in the sense that I’ll give them an instruction and they’ll sulk until I start correcting and then they say “No, no, no! I’m going! I’m doing it!” Do I start correcting them then, or, what exactly do I do? How do the first and second consequences for the Rule of Three work? And what about the calm down spot?
This call, amazingly enough, didn’t have any questions. There were none sent to me. So, this call talks about one of my favorite books, Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. I love it because it can teach us so many helpful lessons for life. In this conference call, I expound a little on what those are. And actually, at the end, there is one question.
This call had only a few questions. They were a bit longer, but they were good. They were: My oldest is my 11 year-old daughter. She has always struggled to control her temper and it is in search for help with her that I found you a year or so ago. My daughter is a very intelligent and driven girl. When she is out in public or away from the family she is well behaved and everyone comments on what a pleasant, considerate, and well spoken girl she is. She looses control at home. Sometimes when she makes a bad choice, or gets called on her attitude she absolutely looses it. She basically has a fit and is completely out of instructional, or any kind, of control. I will start the rule of 3 with her and she starts in with “I can’t take deep breaths.” Then she starts in with a lot of very negative self talk, things like,” I’m stupid, I hate myself, I can’t ever be good,…” etc. Any suggestions will be very much appreciated! Should I be trying to enforce that my children play after, not during, scriptures in the morning? I tried turning on the audio mp3 of the scriptures, but that didn’t help keep them focused. And, I read some great articles from meridian magazine and BYU magazine recently about the importance of family work. How do you foster a love for family work in my children? Also, I have been thinking a lot about how kids these days feel so entitled to everything. Is the best way to avoid this to teach the about their roles in the family and society? Another question. At what age should I expect/teach my kids to start paying attention to talks in Sacrament meeting? And, do you have a suggestion for a book of poems? I remember you saying you guys memorized one a week. My daughter’s friend cuts on herself. She likes to show everyone and talk about it all the time. Is this appropriate? Should I say anything? Should I allow my daughter to play with her? It seems like this girl is just attention seeking, but no one seems to be doing anything about it. Why do people cut themselves anyway? It seems to be kind of popular now days.
This call was a rather long one, but we covered lots of good things. We had lots of questions, some overlapping others. The questions were: Does the access code change weekly? I am trying to adjust to having three children now that my son is almost a month old. My 2-year-old daughter is very rough and she pulls on him or pokes his eyeswhen I’m nursing or changing his diaper. I’m not sure what to do about that. She doesn’t follow instructions yet unless it sounds fun. What’s the best advice for the adjustment to 3 children? You mention regularly how important it is to have low tolerances for our children’s negative behaviors, but sometimes it seems that I am correcting about almost everything one child in particular does. Some of the corrections we have done include: He leans back in his chair, which has weakened and damaged several of our chairs, so they are glued and bungy-corded together. He props his feet up on the edge of the table. If he sees a ball, even one that is put away, he’ll pull it out and bounce it in or against the house walls outside, which is against the house rules. I just wonder how to handle these behaviors without leaving him feeling so berated at the end of each day. Thank you for your insights into our situation. Please teach us about the Expectations Cycle and Accepting the ‘No Answers’ Life Throws Each of Us. My 8 yr old daughter is hoarding trash among other things. It is truly trash and not just old items that are ready to be thrown away. My husband thinks I should just let it go, and let her keep all the trash I bagged up because she acted so traumatized when I tried to throw it away. Is there a way to help her understand that garbage is garbage, even though to her it is special? How do I help her? In regards to homeschooling, I feel inspired that that is what I need to do for our children. My husband is okay with whatever I choose. He is most concerned about my happiness and well-being. However, do I need to suggest that he pray and receive revelation in this area also? I believe we should both feel the same inspiration on what is best for our kids. Also, can you elaborate on the definition of ‘insulating’ your children. What exactly does that look like? And, recently you talked about going to a Justice Center with your daughters and their young women’s group. You used a couple of phrases that I understood:Violation of conscience, Parents are Protectors of conscience, and how children ‘process’ things. Can you elaborate?
This Support Call was quite a bit shorter than most that we’ve had, but we still covered some good things. These are the questions: I recently found that my 14 year-old daughter, who is in a group home, has been put on birth control pills and antidepressants/anti-anxiety medication without my permission. Is there some legal action I can take as her advocate to get her off of these things? I used the rule of three to encourage my 8 yr old daughter to sit in the dentist chair at the Dentist office. Was I wrong to do the rule of three in this situation? CHORE HONESTY–I’m not sure if my 11-yr old son is doing his chores “honestly”. He was given sweeping the kitchen floor as his extra chore as a consequence from a correction after school. But last night when I was sweeping the floor one last time for the day , I noticed that just behind a pantry door, there was some potted plant soil with crumbs that had been swept under the door. I am pretty sure he was the one who did it, but since I wasn’t there when he did the chore and I didn’t inspect right after he was done, I don’t want to blame him without being sure.
This call was quite a bit longer than usual, but we got to cover so many good things! The questions were great and very insightful. They are: How can I best help my 13-year-old son to be motivated to develop himself, and to thereby help him brainstorm and focus on exploring ways to develop his talents, skills, and abilities? My 9-yr old daughter and 11-yr old son walk or stomp away when I am giving them a correction. How should I handle this? My 2 and half year old learned to call people stupid from her brother. And now she does it a lot for attention is the best for the to deal with it to put her in time-out and give her a chore? SHE has been doing it for a couple of weeks now. In regards to homeschooling, I get a lot of people from my church saying we have to be a light to the world, quoting the scripture in the Bible. And saying if we homeschool it takes away that opportunity. I know that’s not true. Homeschoolers don’t just stay home anymore. What has been your expertise with this?Do you think it takes you out of the world? Like how we are told to be in the world be not of the world.
This call was great! We had quite a few good questions. They were: We are a homeschooling family and my oldest daughter who is 16 takes a seminary class each morning at 8. It seems like she misses quite a bit due to a “headache” or “feeling sick”. To me it feels excessive, it is almost weekly. Is that normal? Also, it really bothers me that some of my girls don’t sing in church. Is this something I can do anything about or should I just try to make it a non-issue? My 8 year old daughter has an addiction to sugar. It seems to be as bad as a drug addiction. When it is discovered that she has been taking and hiding treats, she earns a major maintenance and goes without treats that day. She doesn’t seem to want to change though. It is a constant battle.What can we do? The other day my son wanted to watch a TV show because he saw some advertisement on a go-gurt. I said it wasn’t appropriate.When that is our family standard do I just respond: never. Or do I just tell him he can make that choice for himself after he is 18? I’m having a hard time finding fun things for my family to do together. Can you help with that?
This call has only three questions. But, still very interesting. The questions are: Is it ever okay to gently pick up a child to move them to a time-out area? How do you accept the ‘No Answers’ life throws you? My 4 yr old must be sensing a great change in our lives as the baby will come in the next week. He has gotten really creative in seeking attention. Also, has Paije “graduated” from Teaching Self-Government?
On this call, there were a couple situations that could be because of or could lead to sexual addictions. We also had questions from keeping ADHD children calm in pre-school and accepting other people. Here are the questions: My sons (5 and 6) are a little too interested in pulling down their pants. I’m not sure how to respond to the situation. What do I do? I have a question about my almost 16 year old son. we have had the requirement in our family that the boys earn their eagle scout award before they can receive their drivers license.He is a very “white” personality, he tends to be on the more passive side, and sometimes aggressive if he is pushed to far. What can we do to help him take ownership for communicating his needs such as completing his Eagle Scout Award? What are some good ways to communicate these things to him? What do you see as the relationship between accepting no answers and accepting other people? I have a question about my ADHD child. He’s in a pre-school setting. How do I help him want to be calm? My 11 year old boy who doesn’t want to be seen with me. My husband and I got married later in life, so I’m a bit older. How do I help him be less judgmental?
In this call, there some wonderful questions ranging from trouble with spouses and teaching toddlers boundaries to proper roles. It helped those on the call to understand more about their situations and how to fix them. Hopefully you will understand more fully when you listen to the call too! Here are the questions: Why do roles matter and how can roles be reinforced? How do we use TSG with our 2 year old when he hits or bites his siblings? How can you possibly have the energy and time to do all 8 steps in the correction that you mention in your course? How can I make my spouse my top priority? I’m still struggling with nagging and threatening. What am I missing? Also, you mentioned Emotional Vomiting and that it is an “Animal Instinct” to have emotions, but also to want to have control. Can you explain more please?
This call had questions about teens and toddlers, and even how to find certain things on the Teaching Self-Government website. Here are the questions: I have 7 children with the last three being adopted from a fostering situation. My husband is in the military and deployed often, leaving me the sole parent. I know the problems with my kids are because of me. I’m a “smoother-over” trying so hard to make everyone happy that now I have kids that walk all over me and are disrespectful. My husband has got reassigned and we will be moving the Alaska in June. I’m begging you for some help as I’m not sure I can make it through another deployment without a strong plan and tolls for my parenting. My 14 year-old daughter has been in a group home for about 4 months for her stealing and violent behavior towards me. She’s starting to be able to come home on the weekends. The first weekend in April she was home for the two days and on Monday her older sister came to me to tell me she was missing $70.00… My feeling is that until the money is returned/found she shouldn’t be able to come home. What are your thoughts? Do you ever allow natural consequences to be the consequence or do you always follow through immediately with a job consequence? I absolutely love the Implementation Course. I have difficulty, however, finding some specific lessons. Is there a simple way to find specific classes/lessons? How do I do relationships TSG Style?Meetings?How do I show love in healthy bonding ways? What about beating co-dependency?