Support Calls
Today Nicholeen answered these questions: A friend of mine has an extremely shy child that has a hard time going to church class or preschool class by herself. What is the best way to help with that? I also babysat a boy the other day that just turned 3. He cried for the 1st 4 hours. His mom just got a new job after having the whole summer off with him. I tried everything but nothing worked. What else could I have done? My 14-year-old daughter doesn’t want to participate in anything religious anymore. Is it ever appropriate to “push” religion? Some people tell me to give her choice, but I feel like inside that I’m doing something wrong if I do that. Can I expect her to follow an instruction on this? What is the difference between parent counseling session vs. mentor sessions? How is the structure, content, and purposes different?
On this call, Nicholeen answers this question: My 14-year-old daughter is out of instructional control. When I go through the Rule of 3 with her she hums, makes faces, and says “You know this isn’t going to work, right?” I know she is trying to draw me into a power struggle and I am fighting the urge to lash back at her. She has done this at least a dozen times and I am frustrated with how hard-hearted she is. She is not learning that this is something she doesn’t want to do. Can you offer me any additional insights or encouragement? Thanks for your advice.
On this call Nicholeen answered the following questions: Our children tend to bicker a lot. One teases, and the other one yells “Stop!” How do we best intervene? How do we keep the spirit in our home and keep things calm? My two-year-old is in the habit of kicking me while I change his diaper. I’m doing the right thing but it doesn’t seem to be improving. My one-year-old has started too. What am I dong wrong? It’s hard to deal with when all 5 kids are needing me. Is there something I can do differently? I’ve been thinking a lot about living my mission since the mission Webinar. I was thinking about how my strengths and weaknesses point to my mission. Being self-focused or forcing leading to a mission of unity seems opposite. Have you noticed this in your path? Do we living our mission as we conquer our weaknesses? My 3 ½-year-old child has started chewing on everything- even the couch. How do I get him to stop? We took my 3 ½- year-old son to the fair. I felt like he wasn’t grateful till I taught him to say “Thank you”. How do I teach him to have a change of heart and truly be grateful? What ways can I help him to feel grateful? I would love to hear your views for financial support for teenagers. Our son is now 17. He feels we should pay for his clothes and wants to spend his money on a bike or a stereo. We can afford to support him in college, but we wonder if that would be wise. What would you do? My 15-year-old dominates my 12-year-old. My 12-year-old plays along even though he doesn’t like it. How do I empower my 12-year-old to be assertive and my 15-year-old to accept a No Answer? What should I do when my 18-month-old has started touching her privates and touching her poo. My older son laughs when she does. What can I do?
Today Nicholeen answered these questions: I feel so mad. I have fallen back into an old habit of yelling. I don’t know how to stop. In the moment instead of yelling what should I change so I don’t get to this point? How do I get my child to clean up the mess? Our teen-son questions where we came up with all our rules. When I’m giving rules to my children do I need to always to show them the research behind the decision? My 5-year-old daughter asks for help when I ask her to do simple chores. Is she manipulating? How do I know when to help her? What are reasons she would ask for help when she is capable of doing the job? Why does a goal not have a synthetic consequence attached but commitments do? What is the difference between goals and commitments? When he makes the commitment do we set out a consequence too? I don’t like it when my girls write on their body . Am I being picky? Is it okay I instruct them not to do it? How to begin to teach self-government to a 1-year-old? How do you relate with a parent or heal a relationship with a parent who does not understand Teaching Self-Government? I struggle with being positive and praising. I need my praise to be more sincere. How do I find joy in playing with my children? What can I do to be more positive?
On this call Nicholeen answered the following questions: When doing the Rule of three (with 7-year-old) I don’t know what I can say to help him calm down so he can listen. Are there other instructions I can give him to help him? Recently my 8-year-old son earned 24-hours of no privileges. What do you do when out of instructional control and hangs around the family and won’t stay in his room? Do I add more time onto the 24-hours when he earns more chores? How do I make Sodas more effective? He is argumentative about everything. How can I help my son when he argues about the color of a car? Why do you use such specific language with Teaching Self-Government? Don’t parents know what to tell their own children? My son doesn’t want either of his parents to hug him or even pat him on the back. How much do I push physical contact with my 14-year-old son? My husband and I have been discussing the best way for an older child to handle discipline when an older child is in charge of a younger child. What would you recommend? We’ve been doing this for two weeks. Are we teaching Self-Government out of order? Are we being unfair in giving the consequences?
In this call, Nicholeen answers these questions: Is it okay if a family chooses any 4 consequences in learning self-government? How much can I adapt and still get self-government results? My kids are going to bed late, waking up late, and even sleeping in the daytime. How should I handle this? How do I teach a 12-year-old girl to disagree appropriately when she says my observations are inaccurate? How do we create a family vision that will not tear us apart if things do not go as planned? How do I talk about the struggles in my couple relationship without being disloyal to my husband?
On this call, Nicholeen answered these questions: How do we do positive consequences without doing unhealthy snacks or encouraging more electronics? Doing the Rule of 3 with my 13-year-old daughter (she is saying I am trying to control her)- Am I trying to control her? I’m uncomfortable using the Rule of 3. I use it with my 7-year-old daughter. She is not accepting that she had a choice. Is she too young? I’m having a hard time staying calm and feel spread thin, How do I keep balance in all of this? What are positive consequences for a 1 and 3-year-old son? Should I be going on vacation without my husband? My 3 1/2-year-old is always right- Are there times that it’s okay for them to believe what they want and get back to it later because he’s not being teachable? Is this an example of not accepting a correction?
In this call Nicholeen answered questions on the following: How do I start to become a self-governing person? Why is being a self-governing adult important? What makes a person truly confident?How do I create a vision of who I need to become?What does the reality of this look like? What is the hardest part and easiest part of this? What can I do in 30 days to get started? What possible actions do you recommend that I take to become believing, so that I can change? How do I teach my 3 1/2-year-old child when it’s appropriate to talk while reading books? I feel like a slave driver getting my 13-year-old son to do what he needs to do. How do I help him take responsibility for himself? Our granddaughter is coming to live with us, how do we teach her personal hygiene? Other topics also discussed including questions on social time and learning from parents.
Whole Call:(Segments and Notes Below) [swf file=”https://s3.amazonaws.com/conferencecall/CC7-12-13+Whole_Call.mp3″]Or Right Click To Download
Here’s what we talked about today: Segment 1: The Parable of the Gardner from Nicholeen Segment 2: The Learning of A Child Segment 3: Role of Older Children With The Younger Children Segment 4: Teaching Selflessness Segment 5: Sexual Abuse Segment 6: Step Back and Trust
We had a record short call today and we got all caught up with questions so be sure to send in your questions for next week.Besides my voice having a hard time the recording ended up coming out a little fuzzy. We did our best to clean it up.
Segment 1: Welcome and Announcements Segment 2: Transformational Writing For Author’s Contest Segment 3: Focus On The Truth Segment 4: Not Getting It Segment 5: Not Accepting No Answers Segment 6: Love Them And Hold Them Segment 7: Teens And Too Much ‘Me’ Time Segment 8: Dark Books VS. Great Classics Segment 9: Paying Kids For Extra Work Segment 10: Proactive Prevention Segment 11: Chronic Nose-Pickers Segment 12: Losing a Father and Gaining a Step-Father
Segment 1: Welcome and Announcements Segment 2: Family Pet Segment 3: Bonds That Help Them Choose What’s Right Segment 4: Staying in Bed at Bedtime Segment 5: Summer Family Work Time Segment 6: Morning Wake-Up Time for Teens Segment 7: Messy Potty Issues Segment 8: Returning to Calm Segment 9: Amazing Information Seeker and Learner Segment 10: Out of Instructional Control
Segment 8: Social ImbalanceWhere is the line between punishment or consequence?Morally out of balance with friendsMaking the family connection always superior to time with friendsHelping him become a moral leader with his friendsHow to give a “prescrip …
Segment 7: Healing Relationships and Getting CalmPain from scolding parentingYou can always start again. Every day you have new timeBecoming the person you were meant to be instead of the person you’ve defaulted to beUsing your body instead of will to …
Segment 6: Spoon-Feeding the 4 Basic SkillsAponte movie discussion on a calm voice face and bodyShowing and practicing what a calm body isSpoon feeding the Four Basic skillsTouching handsToddler says no, parent says “You need to say Okay”Story of Mothe …
Segment 5: Group Problem SolvingDiscussion onAponte movie exampleThey do need to earn an extra chore afterwardPoint out natural consequences when they make that choiceRight Click Here To Download
Segment 4: Time Out with Blankie’Blankie’ in time out: is it really helping?Doing time out with a 3-year-oldPre-teaching: make sure he knows whats going to happenWhat you could do if you are going to make the change[swf file=”https://s3.amazonaws.com/C …
Segment 3: Power to Believe In Their PotentialRecognizing their valueClassic movies, books, or sources on this principle[swf file=”https://s3.amazonaws.com/CC_segments/CC5-24-13-Segment3-PowertoBelieveInTheirPotential.mp3″]or Right Click HERE to Downlo …
Segment 2: Wrestling TimeBoys becoming menFathers picking on childrenSODAS exampleEstablish a vision and boundaries with spouseDads mentoring kidsStory of my kids making daring gamesChoosing to not get offended by my husbandTrusting him[swf file=”https …