Hi Nicholeen,

Thank you so much for the work you are doing. I’m grateful you take the time to answer these questions. My 5 year old who could not get away from complaining is now able to bypass the calm down spot and the rule of three because he knows how to get himself calm. I love seeing his confidence grow. We still have work to do, but I didn’t know someone so small was capable of the growth I’m seeing, and it makes my heart burst.

Also, I appreciate your teaching on cherishing in marriage last week. It has REALLY helped me understand where to put my focus and made the other things fall into place. You’d think I would have figured that out sooner, but sometimes we just get blind spots I guess. And I guess I was finally ready to learn.

I’d ask a question but every time I try to type one up it kind of answers itself. I guess that’s how principles work when they start getting written on your heart. Thank you for everything. 🙂

Also please tell Paige Hi from us. (We were in her group.) We adore her and are excited to hear about her twins!

Hi! We're not fully doing TSG anymore – this question will make that obvious. But I'm curious on your thoughts.
Say a child does something wrong and gets a correction, but won't accept their consequence and are asked to take a break in their room until they're ready to accept the correction and the consequence. Our kids are 6 and 8. When they are ready and we ask them what they did wrong, the answer is often a quick "I don't know" or "I don't remember." We call that "lazy thinking." We want them to fully understand what they did enough to be able to explain it, plus confession is an ideal in our home.
Sometimes in an effort to encourage full-hearted thinking, my wife will ask the kids to recount the situation and their wrong in it without prompts. So, there's no leading questions from us. i.e. "You and your brother were working on project together, right? It sounded like you had a disagreement." etc.
At times my daughter has went very long periods of time insisting, sometimes with tears, that she cannot remember and that we are, in no uncertain terms, brutes for not believing her. Now, sometimes it's almost believable because it was maybe a very intense situation and she was in mid or back brain, and even I have trouble remembering things after a situation like that. My wife tends to hold her ground firmly on the "tell me without me helping you" rule. I have often questioned the value of it, thinking that with all of our kids' challenges, this just not a hill I'm trying to die on – but I'm wrong about lots of things, so wondering if this is one of them! Our kids do have trouble in general with confessing wrong and getting corrections. It has always been that way.
Obviously with a 'proper correction" you just explain to them yourself what they did, why it was wrong, and you do the role play and redos, etc. What do you think about the idea of asking the child to tell you themselves, without help when they're showing a hesitance to think much about the situation. Like they want to be spoon fed and don't really see and understand the problem with what they did, or at least are too hesitant to look the situation in the face and see what they see.
Thanks for your thoughts!

I was at the mall with a friend and our children. My child asked for something and I said no. So he disagreed appropriately and I ended up changing my mind and giving him what he had asked for. My friend said I had allowed him to manipulate me because in the end he got what he wanted. So this got me thinking if it’s true. How could I know if my child is using disagreeing appropriately to manipulate me or the situation?

I just finished the TSG Parenting Course.
Do I try to address ALL misbehaviors at the very start with both my kids?

Do I start by having them both watch the entire course with me?

My 14 yo girl has more rebellious behavior than my 15 yo son. A month ago I caught her sneaking out of the house 2 nights in a row. I discovered this when I found a boy running off my back deck at 6:10am.

My son feels he should have more social media time & gaming time than my daughter because he has not mistreated social media as badly as she has. He thinks he should have as much media time as he wants. He hates that I “baby” him and “don’t allow him to learn from his own mistakes.”

My son does plays football, works a landscape job & plays baseball this summer so he isn’t on media allll the time.

Still…I like the idea of media having limits.

Thanks for any advice!
Stephanie 😃

Hello, my niece is 19 and still lives at home. My sister never really disciplined her and has allowed her to do what she wants her whole life. Now we're at the point that when my sister tells her to pick up, or do something, my niece hits her. She's punched her, put my sister in a chokehold, threatened to stab her with a knife, etc. My sister is terrified of my niece now. I'd love to share what I've learned about TSG with her, but I don't know if this case is too extreme at this point. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

My granddaughter, who is just two, is transitioning to not napping. Some days she will need a nap, other days not. At the same time, she is starting a habit of getting out of bed multiple times at night after her mom puts her down. This habit does not seem to vary regardless of whether she has napped or not. My daughter (her mom) has tried practicing "going to bed" with her during the day, but she does not understand that this is just a practice and gets really upset when they try this. She thinks she is really being put to bed. My daughter has also tried giving small chores the next morning for every time she gets out of bed, but we are doubtful that she can make the connection between getting out of bed at night and doing chores the next day, since it's not an immediate consequence. We'd appreciate your suggestions.

I have been feeling overwhelmed coming off last school year and thinking about preparing for the next.

I have 7 children ages: 14, 11, 8, 7, 5, 4, and 1

My 5 and 4 year old attend preschool, and my 8 year old is in foster care and attends public school.

5 of my 7 children are from trauma, and 3 of them came to me at school age.

My 14 year old is borderline intellectual functioning, ADHD, autistic and has Dissociative Identity Disorder. (Modified and struggling 5th grade level)

My 11 year old also has an autism Dx, ADHD, and has made great strides to integrate from dissociative identity disorder. (5th grade math, 6/7th grade English)

My 7 year old has ADHD (2nd grade level)

All three kids are adopted, and seem to require intense supervision and spoon fed instruction. They regularly need 1:1 support sitting and prompting/redirecting. There’s very little ability to face challenges, very low self monitoring, and very little self motivation, plus very low impulse control.

I have seen so much fruit from homeschooling, better learning outcomes, better relationships, and just overall a blessing to our family. However, it burns me out! I struggle a lot with feeling like what I’m doing is complete enough, and struggle to either make lessons globally available at all levels to do together, or being anything to anyone popcorning around if they are working independently at their individual level.

I have researched curriculum, and just feel overwhelmed and unsure. We’ve tried several, but I haven’t felt I’ve found the right fit for our very busy schedule and household.

Having a needy 1 year old that’s loud on top of everything else makes our instruction/attention window very small.

Currently, we have Speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy, and ABA as well that usually come during school hours.

You had suggested Math Inspirations in a previous support call, and that has been an awesome curriculum! However I just feel overwhelmed in choosing curriculum, and managing all of the kids special needs, as well as appointments that come with these needs, and daily pick up/drop off schedule for the other 3 children.

Any input or advice is appreciated.

My 3 year old son will say "you are so stupid, you are the worst mother" when he is frustrated with a no answer. He will also flail his arms, not necessarily hitting, but not in control. He sometime will make his entire body go limp. We do not use the word stupid in our house, but he has learned it. He will be 4 in November. Can you please walk me though how to best handle this? I know it's a habit right now. Right now, I will remove him from whatever he is doing to calm down and we will do corrections together.

Hello,

I have reached out last week, and I am still needing help. I attended the conference in March 2024, and purchased the package for $399. Nicholeen, signed my sheet and told me I could switch materials. I sent a screenshot. anyways, I have not received any of the hard copy books. I am also not able to download certain materials that say there is a lifetime download. Some I can download but do not have permission to print. I would like to complete this program in the summer when I have the time.

Hello Nicholeen, Ready here, just submitting this question on behalf of my sister (She did the PMT in 2023) I gave her a few pointers but I think your answer will be very helpful…… "Hi Nicholeen, I'm hoping you can help me. For a few months now my toddler who will be two next month, hates to be dressed. It seemed to be about the time when the weather turned cold. Over the summer months he was often walking around through the day without trousers on – maybe this was the cause of the problem – and when the weather turned cold and he needed to be fully dressed he's not liking it? We've tried songs, getting dressed videos, reward incentives, distraction, pre-teaching and I'm still praying for answers. At first it started with not wanting to wear trousers, next it was trousers and jacket, now it's all his clothes. He screams, kicks and pulls at his clothes, saying "Ow, ow," trying to take them off. So, sometimes I've done the pre-teaching for following an instruction, then give him the instruction and remind him that he needs to keep calm and say ok. Sometimes this does seem to help. But most times now, this doesn't work and I just get him dressed while he's kicking and screaming, which doesn't seem like a very good thing to do. So I guess my question is, do I take him to the calm down spot, until he's ready to follow instructions or is he too young (which I have tried and this results in a very long screaming session, that only stops if I go and give him a drink – he's still breastfed) or do I just hold him and dress him while he's resisting? It does seem to me that he has a real uncontrollable fear about it, almost like a phobia (like when kids hate running water in the bath, or hate the plug being pulled). This morning again he was very upset after his Dad had dressed him, he came to me and I just sat with him cuddling him, talking softly in his ear, 'you need to be calm, it's ok, take some breaths, get calm, good boy, deep breaths', and it was only a minute or two and he had calmed right down. He doesn't talk much yet, but he can say a few words and he can say 'ok' and 'please Mama' and I have taught him about deep breathing since he was young. Thank you in advance for your help and any ideas!
Thanks,
Sincerity"