I was asked how I handle lying. This is a very common problem with children who are trying to gain control of their lives and other people.
In the past I have written many posts on lying. Two posts which may especially be helpful are “Communicating Honestly” And “Honesty“. If you type these words into the light blue bar at the top right of this page and you will find them. In fact you will find any post that mentions honesty in it. I hope thi
As I was looking at your chore chart, I thought of another question I’ve been meaning to ask about chores. I noticed Sunday is listed as a day of rest on the charts–how does that work with things that have to be done everyday (like setting/clearing the table, dishes, animals, making beds, etc.)? Also, how do you handle extra chores that are earned on Sunday?
What about Sundays? Read More »
This last weekend at the seminar in Clearfield, UT I was asked for a copy of my family standard. In case it is useful to anyone else, it is below. Warning, this is three pages long on word. You should be able to copy and paste it back to word if you want to use it too or take ideas from it. 🙂 It does contain some things that are specific to our family’s religion. Regard those things how you will. Each family’s family standard should include things from their religious foundations.
Peck Family Standard Read More »
There was a comment left on the “perfect families” post which said,
Have you found ways to keep from joining in the competition when you speak about your kids, and shut down competitive questions/remarks from others?
There is definitely a way to keep from joining in these kinds of competitions. But, the way is not easy because it goes against human nature to seek evidence of personal success by comparing. I have realized the act of comparing or one-upping usually happens when I stop listening to and caring about the parent talking to me and caring about my own fami
Question about “perfect families” Read More »
The Universe is governed by laws. One of those laws is that an older, wiser species comes before the new, innocent young of the same species to guide the younger toward right choices and acceptable behaviors. I have heard parents say before that their children didn’t come with instruction manuals. This is true, and each child is uniquely different, but I have wondered if parents make statements like these to make themselves feel better
Changing generations Read More »
“In a family meeting, do the kids actually get to vote on the final decision, or are they just giving input and opinions, and then the parents make the decision?”
Good question. Everyone votes in the family meeting. On rarest of occasions the parents could veto a vote if it is dangerous or goes against the family mission statement or family morals in any way.
The reason that everyone must vote, is because this is meeting where everyone in the family finds their focus and works on communicating to each other. This is also where all the positive and negative co
Family Meeting Question Read More »
How do you balance your mission with your family mission? Obviously helping
others learn to teach their children self-government takes a good deal
of your time away from your family so I’d love some tips. God has
inspired me to reach out more to others and share my talents, but I
sometimes find it difficult to find a good balance with my #1 mission
of raising my family.
This question is a classic! I love it. What ambitious Mommy doesn’t struggle with this?
You are right, I have to pull off quite a balancing act to manage all of my missions.
The famil
Balance for a mission mom? Read More »
“My husband and I are listening to your CDs. We’ve heard you speak a few times but never got the whole thing before. Your CDs are definitely an answer to prayer. I’ve tried for a long time to figure out how to get my husband on board, but he always gets so BORED, lol! After listening to the first CD, I realized that I’m definitely the big dreamer/big picture/live for the moment type, and he’s the line drive/details/planner type – no wonder my efforts didn’t work. I had a big picture but no good details on how we were going to get there. Having the CDs gives my husband
The number one mission Read More »
“I have two boys ages 7 and 4. My 7yo has developed a couple problems: stealing and lying. I think that I/we have been making the problem worse in the way we have handled it. We also have a HUGE problem with not minding. He is a very stubborn child and will not help us when trying to come up with consequences for his actions. He says either, “I don’t know” or “give me a spanking” or something like that. Those are NOT working, he seems to get worse with each consequence.
The following question and answer deals with something that many families deal with. In order to raise the kind of family that is going to reach our 20 year vision, we have to make choices that are different from the mainstream of society. These decisions are full of rewards as well as challenges. Trust me, the rewards far out-weigh the challenges.
“You mention something in the beginning of the first CD that struck me right off and I’ve thought about a lot ever since. “I’ve often felt that the Lord has chosen me to stand apart from the world.”
I had been feeling the same
If it’s right, it’s right! Read More »
“Thanks! It helps a lot to know that I can have both personal standards and a family standard, and to hear your experiences. I think I have been afraid to set an example and refuse things for myself that he wants because I don’t want to start an argument. But I guess it is all in the way it is done, not trying to manipulate or judge but just to honor my own standards while still respecting my husband. I appreciate your help!”
Comment on post below Read More »
“My husband and I are in the process of making our family standard, and tonight for FHE we are going to ask the kids for ideas. We already are running into some difficulty though. My husband and I have different standards as far as media goes. I agree with him that whatever standard we set needs to be one we will both be willing to follow. I think the kids will be willing to give up more than he will in the media department. We are in agreement that R rated shows will never be watched in our home, but other shows he is more ambiguous about. How should we go about making the
What if my standard is different than my husband’s standard? Read More »
“Do you have a way for your kids to earn money? Could you elaborate on that?”
There was a time when we paid our children an allowance of sorts. Each child had a calendar. Their consequence for a minor offense was an X on the day of the calendar. After 5 Xs in a day, they lost their privileges for the day. Each day they automatically earned 50 cents because they were part of our family. For each X they earned, 10 cents was subtracted from the day’s totals. Every Friday dad would come home with cash and the children would total their charts and report to dad fo
“I have an 8 year old boy and a 6 year old boy and an 18 month old girl. One of the most frustrating things for me is when I’m trying to talk to my boys and give instructions and they ignore me by rough housing with each other or by joking and laughing at each other or at me. What do you do when you ask them to do something in a kind, yet serious way, and they say “no” or laugh and joke around? I feel like they are showing no respect for me in this situation and I get very frustrated and even angry.
“I was just wondering, when trying to set up this type of family government for the first time, does it take several family meetings before you can actually implement it? You talk about how each meeting shouldn’t be longer than 20 minutes, but if I’m understanding properly, to begin we need to talk about a family vision, come up with a mission statement, teach everyone the four basic skills (and practice them), and create a family standard…all the things seem to build on each other, so it sounds like it would take longer than twenty minutes to go through all of it properly bef
“…We taught the 4 basic skills and the kids had a lot of funrole-playing the way to respond to the different situations, they especially loved disagreeing appropriately! 🙂 Well, I hadn’t determined what our consequences were going to be yet so I told them we would just practice the 4 basic skills this week. I’ve learned from this that it is essential to have consequences established or there is no motivation to respond correctly…”
Why is it so important to have established consequences?
Establishing Consequences Read More »
A reader wrote to me telling me about a young neighborhood child that introduced things of a sexual nature to her daughter. This is not a fun subject. I have been avoiding putting it on the site, but the more I think about it, this topic is probably one of the biggest things parents face. How do we keep our children free from the disease of sexual impurity that seems to be taking over our world? How do we make them aware while not taking away their innocence?
The Times We Live In Part 1 Read More »
“For clarification, when I describe a child’s inappropriate behavior, do I stop there?
Most Important For Church Classes Read More »
We came to DC thinking we could get mugged. We left our hotel this morning, with our money hidden, and pinned in our pockets, and no bags visible to steal. We were ready to battle the muggers of DC. In the afternoon, it rained. To be exact, it poured buckets on our heads. We only had shopping bags to put over our heads. A woman saw our pitiful family, and stopped her car in front of us. She put two black umbrellas out the window of her car. One of them still had tags on it. I ran over to the car, and took the umbrellas from her.
In order to teach our children how to govern themselves in a family setting, we have to give them a vision, or picture of what the family is workingtoward. This vision, or goal, begins the family’s mission. The vision, goal, or dream is the first thing the family starts with to acheive mission. The concept of personal mission and family mission is both inspiring and overwhelming. Will it be hard to do? Why were we picked for this mission? Why don’t I have my personal mission yet? The list of questions could continue. I have found a book that tells a parable about mission.
Have A Mission Book Read More »